Was I going to be, what I had thought I would be..

So, its a guest Faculty teaching some Bla BLa of customer Retention and All i could think of was how have I changed in the last year. From the socially active. revolutionary, argumentative Indian(as I was called), never part of a single group female  to this 'stay in group', lethargic, silent, known for her pictures in a Bschool and not much concrete, Girl. (thats all my presumptions). How my focus from doing something for the people, travelling etc had totally shifted to all the jazzed up stuff here, which  never really meant anything. How my goals of the things to be achieved in the second year were waiting to be warded the dust off that paper where they were written. How Unclear about Life had I become.

The entire first year didnt give me anytime to comprehend life. Infact, my time management had gone for a toss(which anyways was never too good). The Good part about second year was, it gave me time to think(of course in the classes i.e)

So coming back, to this Guest (Faculty) , that brings me to this other class on design, which more than design management taught me to get my life's design in place and I really have to Thank the prof for that. Staring at the white board for the 45 mins outa the 1.15 hour class, made me think. Think Hard. There was a session in which he asked what you wanted to be. I didnt have the guts to raise my hand, cuz my aimbition in life was wavering. A few years back what I strongly wanted to be, no longer was it hitting hard to come out my mouth as my goal.  It hit me! had I in the past few years nto thought even once what I aspired to be! May be a few years down the line? I dont think so.

Lot may people had many things to say, and many choose to remain silent . May be they were in the same dilemna , may be they wanted to be secretive about it, or may be they didnt feel the need to share. But I knew where I was standing. I didnt Know!

what was the way forward.. I tried writing diaries, I tried taking to my self, i tried being awake the entire night to figure out, I tried to concentrate on my goals in life in the classes, i tried Talking .. I still dint know where do I stand. There was this fight within .

Amaltas did help! In the 3 walls and a window side of my room and music from the two sides on, I was going through my pictures. The ones I had clicked. The moment they were clicked in, the settings at times I did for them. The fondness I had for the subject. The want to click more. The light in my eyes before taking a picture. The want to translate my idea of sumthing in a picture. I loved clicking. Clicking on the Go..

I knew atleast something which for sure i was going to take up.  PHOTOGRAPHY. people photography, street photography, candid photography... Sure, I  gonna find spot for the rest of my aimbitions. I have two terms of classes left !