He Changed the meaning of Mumbai for me. Every Road, Every eating Joint, every train ride echo of him. Left right center above below everywhere.
I had always dismissed this feeling for him as mere comfort and not the likes of love. The Archetypes, the stereotypes, nothing because it was different, atleast how we had started off.
and again, it was different, the way it ended.
I had never experienced this, before. When the hunger pangs of the ever hungry dry out completely, the senses and mind in the most basic forms appears senseless.
I do not know why and how and what had happened. It was a mere 8 month relationship, but the depth felt that of years, even more.eh, MERE 8 months! But was I the only one, all the while feeling everything. Was he nowhere? Was his essence missing all throughout, that a spur of attraction, took it apart.
For days. All together I felt senseless, unable to decode what had actually happened, or what essentially was happening?
Is the generation we live in, with No commitment statuses and the need to not be judged whatever we may do, make one commit lesser in relationships? Is convenience the only thing we aspire for when with someone. Even the convenience to move on?
agreed, the idea of love is somewhat exaggerated, or atleast the idea of Bollywood love is, but does that mean that conveniently we could just overlook emotions?
In the name of honesty, he was insensitive. When while drunk, he had told me once that I was the one who brought in life to him, but does one let go of the harbinger of life so easily on finding someone livelier?
I don’t understand.
He unconsciously changed the meaning of the city I had loved, I had grown up adoring. This city had gradually become ‘HIM and ME’ for me. I myself had started fuelling in idea of me being with him forever, Though I was always aware of the non commitment.
I am not angry with him, I am just sad, that his self took over the sense of us that he had, and that too so easily. In mere 3 days time,from someone special and someone close enough to share the stupidest of things with , I had become someone he had started drifting apart from. I need to understand, how and why this happened? And does this happen that often?
Does Non commitment mean no expectation? Does Non commitment mean insensitivity.
I remember finding my muse for ‘A friend by choice, a lover by chance’ in him. Was that friend never there? Only the lover existed, who just could fly away in a blink.
I am hurt, deep down I am.
enough, that for a week and more I have been questioning my idea of love
Have I given undue weightage to a mere emotion, and let it take over my sense of me?
I am hurt more, because in the process of being with him , I had changed as a person.
I was somewhat transforming into his idea of me
his expectation of me
again, I am not blaming him, Because that’s what I chose.
I am hurt, because I let him overpower my love for the city too.
While leaving he did tell me, don’t let the idea of love vanish from your life.
It did vanish
The love for this city.
this city is no longer the city of dreams for me, nightmare happen too.
this city is no longer the city of holding hands for me, because hearts leave each other too
this city is no longer the city of possibilities, because not so possible doesn’t come true.
this city of no longer the city of the idea of love, because here you fall out of love too.
I am hurt
I am hurt, because I don’t know if I will ever reinstill my love for this city,this city I have loved through and through.
